Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
