You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
