I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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