Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
