Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
