thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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