You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
