Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
