I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
