Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
