Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
