Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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