i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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