Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I came so hard my ears popped.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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