i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
