at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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