u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
