She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
