i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
