Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
