she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
