in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
