it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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