id be glad to
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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