My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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