I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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