Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just high enough for therapy.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i think im in europe. pls send help
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
