Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
