Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
