Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
