Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
