There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
