Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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