Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
