did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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