girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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