I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
