my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
