a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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