well most of my day revolves around power hour
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
