for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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