I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
