Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
