i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
