i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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