He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
