Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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