i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
