bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
