...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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