barbara walters just said penis...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
