just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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