we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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