Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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