I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
