I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
