By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
