nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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