i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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