i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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