College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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