What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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