You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well I just put wine in my tea
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
