I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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