i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Your cock deserves a montage
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
