My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
