you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
