I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
