I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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