After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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