somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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