Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
