Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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