I don't think brook has ever known best
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
