i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
then he tried to convert me to islam
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
