did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
