that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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