After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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