I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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