I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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