You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
