I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
